I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
