It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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