Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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