Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Sorry about my life...
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
