I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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