Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
