so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
