do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
