i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
