You're completely useless in the revolution.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
