oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
