grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
