I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
