I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize