I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
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