I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
