He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
