he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
