I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
