Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
