I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
