she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
