Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize