census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
