I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
