Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
