i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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