Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
