they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
