I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
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the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
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Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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