Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
