My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
