my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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