ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize