***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
