Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
