she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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