Don't make out with my wife yet
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
