Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
She even gives head with a lisp.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Randomize
