About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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