'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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