I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
