I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
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