Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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