That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Randomize
