i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
