I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
