oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
