The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
he puts the penis in happiness.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
