well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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