Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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