I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
