I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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