Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
His nipple licking is glorious
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