I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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