Sry I called you an 8
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
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Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
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Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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