so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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