There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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