I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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