I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
