who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
