Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
