He disabled his match.com account in front of me
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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