Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Im part way to drunk.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
