You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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