Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Dignity is for republicans.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
