During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
