I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I can feel your judgement through the phone
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
