Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize