i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
