she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
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