I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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