As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
