remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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