GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
