Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
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