Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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