you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize