we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
